Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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