Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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