i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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