She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
