We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
