Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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