you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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