i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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