Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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