What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
