My first STD was from a foam party
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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