Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I can text with my tongue
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am mentally ready for anal.
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