why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
