Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
