I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
