bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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