Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Found the puke drawer
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
