hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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