Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
