capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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