I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
