I cannot find my penis.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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