we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We need to get me chipped asap
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
