im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
