the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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