His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
