There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
