i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
