it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my poor anus
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
