My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
