did you get engaged???
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
