So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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