He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
