dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
