is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
