That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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