I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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