Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
