This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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