Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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