What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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