His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
