Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just pee around me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
