Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
