Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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