Christians are straight up FREAKS
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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