Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
