She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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