I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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