I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
