I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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