White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
