oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
